Thursday, November 18, 2004
Getting Married....

This is entry #2 of Nas Week to celebrate the new cd that he's coming out with.  Plus, I like using good hip-hop music to inspire my entries.  Not a lot of good hip-hop lately, which is why I don't write a lot.  Anyways, the song I decided to put on the blog for today is "Getting Married".  No subliminals or anything.  I just really like how visual this song is and I kinda want my wedding to have this same vibe.  It kinda inspires me to say some things to my girl as well, but I won't be typing it here...at least not before I tell her.  I'm on the phone with her as I type.  I'll tell her what I have to tell her as I write this entry.

I planned on telling her things....things that were deep down inside of me....and while I worked up to that point, things hit a snag.  See, I picked this song because for once in my life, I've been doing a lot of forward-thinking.  And in doing that, I've seen her in a lot of my visions.  She's had such an affect on me that I would be willing to consider her and consider fitting her into my plans.  I'm not a dumb dude that would let a girl change my life completely, especially when I haven't even got my things straight myself.  But I'd give her enough power over me to where she'd influence some big decisions I would make in my life....

This song is an example of Nas' forward thinking.  He's found someone and that's the direction he wants to go with her.  I found someone too.  And this is a direction I'd love for us to go SOMEDAY.  I'm not gonna say I'd make plans for us to do that, but I'd be WILLING to make plans for us to make that path a much better possibility.  Whether it be me moving closer to her or whatever it takes.  But see, as we talk at this absolute moment.....that vision I had of her in a wedding dress gets hazier and hazier. 

I no longer see anyone in that dress....just a shadow......

No more forward thinking for me....at least when it comes to relationships.  I've gotten into too many where I'd be willing to go thru so many changes and sacrifices just to PUT OURSELVES IN A POSITION to make things better.  I, to this day, still  haven't gotten that back.  It's getting discouraging these days.  I'm not getting younger. 

But Shaka....she's still young.  Me?  I'm young too...but not that young....I guess maybe a woman shouldn't fit in my near future.  Maybe I should make decisions that best suit myself and no one else.  Hell, it's possible for ANYONE to better themselves in life and carry someone along for the ride, but the load is so much more lighter when no one's on your shoulders....Would that be selfish?

Looks like I won't be "Getting Married" anytime soon.....

Posted at 11/18/2004 2:30:22 am by Jackaveli

 

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